


You Don't Know My Name

by Tavriel



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Out of Character, team rocket doesn't know ash's name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tavriel/pseuds/Tavriel
Summary: Ash tells Team Rocket he'll give them Pikachu if they can guess his name.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 87





	You Don't Know My Name

**Author's Note:**

> Just another crack fic inspired by late night texting. This was based off a conversation wondering if Team Rocket knew what Ash's name was.

Ash Ketchum was waiting for Team Rocket to show up and ruin his day or at the very least inconvenience him for a few moments. He'd gotten used to the fact that Team Rocket would show up once a day to try and steal his Pokemon and he was pretty much resigned to it, the same way he was resigned to dentist appointments. Of course dentist appointments had the benefit of his teeth being cleaned and cavities fixed and Team Rocket showing up had no benefits. Well, he supposed it gave his Pokemon the opportunity to keep their skills sharp.

Now would actually be a perfect time for Team Rocket to show up. Ash didn't exactly enjoy Team Rocket showing up and interrupting his day, but there are times when their appearance was more annoying. Ash absolutely hated it when Team Rocket interrupted his gym battles. The next time they showed up in the middle of a gym battle, he was blasting them off before they even opened their mouths. It would be nice to go to a new town and sight see and hang out with the locals without Team Rocket showing up to interrupt. It was actually really awkward to explain to a new friend that he actually knew those clowns posing on top of a giant robot saying a motto. It would also be nice to be able to have a meal without Team Rocket interrupting. He would also like it if Team Rocket stopped waking him up in the middle of the night to try and steal his Pokemon. Ash supposed he should be grateful Team Rocket actually made a racket and woke him up instead of doing the sensible thing and quietly stealing the Pokemon and sneaking off. And Ash would like to walk down a road and not worry about falling into a pit.

But right now Ash wasn't doing anything of importance and he had a few moments to spare to blast Team Rocket off. As if Ash summoned them with his thoughts, Team Rocket came crashing out of the sky in a machine that looked like a giant Meowth. Ash wondered where they got the money for all of that. “What do you want?” Misty yelled. 

Ash rolled his eyes. “Same thing they always want, Misty. To try and steal Pikachu.” 

Misty nods. “You'd think they'd find something better to do. Don't they have lives? I mean, it's pretty pathetic following us around and trying to steal Pikachu.”

“We are not pathetic!” Jessie yelled and Misty snorts.

“Then what do you call following us around and trying to steal Pikachu?” Ash wondered if he should just blast Team Rocket off and be done with it. But a part of him was kind of curious as to what Jessie's answer would be, so he waited. But Jessie, James, and Meowth simply stared at them. Ash had felt that way when his mom asked him if he'd remembered to do a chore or pack clean underwear. Team Rocket had the same idea he did-remain completely silent and make no sudden movements and maybe the person questioning them will go away. 

“It's none of your business why we're trying to steal Pikachu, twerp! We've wanted Pikachu for so long and now we're finally going to get it!” Meowth yelled. Ash felt a twinge of annoyance at being called a twerp. It was a dumb thing to be annoyed at, but would it kill Team Rocket to remember his name? They'd been stalking him for years and they still called him a twerp. He'd sent them blasting off so many times he stopped keeping track, had come in a few of the top places in tournaments-he deserved to be called by his name. Instead they were calling him a twerp like he was a nuisance even though Team Rocket were the nuisances. Again, it was a dumb thing to be irritated by, but maybe it was like those times when he had a craving for certain foods. After this he'd ask Brock if he could make spicy chicken wings. 

An idea suddenly struck Ash. If it was a Pokemon battle, his ideas usually worked. If it wasn't a Pokemon battle, the results usually varied between disastrous and it didn't turn out that badly. 

“Okay, Team Rocket. I'll give you Pikachu.” Ash could have sworn he heard the world stop. Everyone gaped at him. “Are you crazy, Ash?” Misty yelled. “Why are you giving Team Rocket Pikachu?”

“Yeah, Ash,” Brock said. “Are you feeling okay?” Ash glanced at Pikachu and saw how calm his first Pokemon looked. Pikachu knew that Ash had something up his sleeve. They were in sync. They were a team since they first battled that flock of spearrow together. Team Rocket didn't say anything for a while. Then James spoke. “You mean it? You'll actually give us Pikachu?” It felt like the world was holding its breath. 

Ash nodded. “On one condition.” 

There was a pause and then a jubilant yell split the sky. A flock of bird Pokemon suddenly erupted from the trees and flew off. Music suddenly began blasting from the robot, which was doing a victory dance and was the robot tossing confetti as well? What the heck was this? Was Team Rocket's boss supplying them with a robot? Did they steal it? Did they build the robot? If Team Rocket 's boss was supplying them with robots, was he not finding out that his robots were being destroyed on a daily basis? Why did they even have a throwing confetti option in the robot? Then again, this was pretty tame by Team Rocket's standards. Ash hadn't forgotten the time James rigged the Viridian gym so that both participants could feel pain. 

Now Team Rocket was doing a victory speech. Ash turned to look at Brock and Misty and they all exchanged incredulous looks. Jessie came over, a simpering smile on her face. “Come to Aunty Jessie,” she cooed, reaching. 

“Our boss is going to be so happy we finally caught that Pikachu he's been wanting!” Meowth exclaimed. “Just imagine one day the power goes out and the boss can't watch his favorite shows. Bummer, he'll say. How will I find out what happens now? The episode won't air again for months. But just then Pikachu will appear and use itself as a battery. The boss will see the season finale of his show and say, “Thanks to Meowth and his friends bringing me this Pikachu, I was able to watch my favorite shows. They deserve a promotion.”

Ash glared indignantly. If Team Rocket thought his Pikachu was going to be a charger for their boss, they'd completely lost it. Ash yanked Pikachu out of Jessie's reach. “Not so fast,” he snapped. “I said I'd give you Pikachu on one condition.”

“Sure, whatever. What's the condition?” Jessie was still trying to reach for Pikachu. Ash felt like when he knew he had a battle in the bag and there was nothing his opponent could do. He smirked. “Tell me what my name is.” Ash glanced at Misty and Brock out of the corner of his eye and saw the smug grins appear on their faces.

“Oh, that's easy. Your name is twerp! I'll take that Pikachu now.”

“My name isn't twerp,” Ash said.

Team Rocket turned pale. “But-but it has to be!” James exclaimed. “We've been calling you twerp forever! Are you saying we've been calling you the wrong name for years?”

Ash nodded. “So seeing as you don't know my name....”

“No, no, wait. We know your name. Just give us a minute to think.” Brock pulled out a timer he used when cooking. “You've got sixty seconds,” he told them. Team Rocket hesitated for a moment and then began yelling out names.

“Twerp with the cap? Twerp with the pikachu? Short twerp? Stupid twerp? Stupid kid? Kid with the Pikachu? Kid? Pikachu's trainer? Boy?” The shrill ding of the timer stopped their yelling. “Time's up! Ash said. “Pikachu, you know what to do.” Pikachu nodded nonchalantly and blasted Team Rocket off. 

“I can't believe you'd give Team Rocket Pikachu, Ash!” Misty exclaimed. 

“Calm down, Misty. I knew there was no way Team Rocket would know our names. I was just kidding.” He turned to Pikachu. “You know there's no way I'd let you go to Team Rocket so you could be a living battery, right?” Pikachu jumped into Ash's arms and settled on his shoulder.

Misty sighed. “Yeah, I should have known you had something up your sleeve. I should be used to your crazy ideas. At least this one turned out okay.” She laughed suddenly. “I can't believe they honestly thought your name was twerp.”

Ash rolled his eyes. “You'd think after following us around for so long they'd know our names.”

“I know,” Misty grumbled. “We know their names.” 

“That's because they say their names all the time when they recite the motto,” Brock pointed out. 

Ash nodded. “But in all the years that they've followed us, they never managed to find out our names? I'm sure we've said our names in front of them at least once.”

“Yeah,” Misty said. “I know people's names because I overheard someone call them that on the street.”

“You have to remember that Team Rocket is incapable of noticing anything besides Pikachu,” Brock pointed out, and Ash and Misty nodded.

“Still, are we going to go back to fighting Team Rocket the old fashioned way?” Misty asked, and Ash nodded.

“I've been meaning to say, I think you should just blast Team Rocket off as soon as they show up,” Brock said.

Ash looked at him in surprise. “Really? Why?” he asked. 

“I think you should give them as little attention as possible. Maybe then they'll get bored and go away.”

“It's a pipe dream, but stranger things have happened.” 

“Do you think Team Rocket will try to guess our names?” Misty asked.

Brock nodded thoughtfully. “They might figure that it'll be an easier way to get Pikachu.”

“In that case, I vote we use code names for a little bit,” Ash declared. “It'll be fun. I always wanted to be a spy.” 

“I thought you wanted to be a Pokemon Master,” Misty teased.

“I had brief dream of being a spy after seeing James Bond,” Ash said.

“What happened?” Brock asked. 

Ash shrugged. “I tried to spy on the neighbors. It turns out people don't do anything exciting and it's really hard to come up with a code.” 

The next day, Ash and his friends put their plan into effect. Team Rocket made even worse spies than he did. He could see them crouching in the distance. “Good morning, Ann Chovy,” he said to Misty cheerfully. 

“Morning, Tom Ato,” she replied. “You want to train for your next gym battle or get a snack? I think Caesar Salad is making dumplings and he wants our opinions on the fillings.” 

“I think I'll do a bit of training, Ann Chovy,” Ash said. “That way I can work up an appetite. There's nothing like a good meal after a good training session.” The day went well. Ash had a particularly productive training session with his Pokemon. He'd found a new way to use one of his Pokemon's moves. He just needed to make sure they could do it consistently. Brock had outdone himself with the dumplings. He'd made three different types of filling and three different types of sauces. “If Pokemon breeding doesn't work out for you, Caesar Salad, you should totally become a chef. If you had a restaurant, people would come from all over to try your food!” Misty dunked another dumpling in the spicy sauce.

“Yeah! And Ann Chovy and I could get discounts because we're such good friends. And when I become a Pokemon Master, I'll come by and personally endorse the restaurant!” Ash exclaimed. Brock chuckled. “I'll make those spicy chicken wings for you tomorrow, Tom Ato.” 

Their pleasant time was interrupted by Team Rocket. Misty turned to look at Ash and Brock. “Do you think there's a way for us to get money for every time Team Rocket bothers us?” she asked. “Just think of all the money we'd get. I could have my own private island.”

“Maybe we could sue them for emotional distress,” Brock suggested.

“Can it, twerps! Jessie yelled.

“That's right. We know your names and we're getting Pikachu!” Meowth exclaimed. 

Ash rolled his eyes. “What makes you think that I'm still doing this?” he asked.

“You never said the promotion ended,” James said, and those words caused Ash to flashback to the times when restaurants forgot to advertise that they no longer had an option available. He scowled as he remembered times when he went to a restaurant looking forward to ordering his favorite dish and then being told that it was no longer available even though it was still advertised on the menu. He thought he may have been growling as he remembered this. True justice had never been restored. 

“What are our names, then?” Misty demanded.

They pointed to Ash and his friends triumphantly. “Your names are Tom Ato, Ann Chovy, and Caesar Salad.” 

Ash waited for Team Rocket to start doing a victory dance before stating smugly, “Nope.”

They froze. “But-but you guys were calling each other that all day!” James sputtered.

“Yeah, those have to be your names!” Meowth yelled. 

“Haven't you ever heard of nicknames?” Misty said witheringly. 

Ash nodded to Pikachu and he blasted Team Rocket away.

Ash was considering taking bets on how long it would take Team Rocket to show up. Ash, Misty, and Brock had decided to switch up the names. In the end, Brock won. Team Rocket showed up mid afternoon. “We definitely know what your names are! Get ready to give us Pikachu!”

Ash raised his eyebrows. 

“Your names are Satoshi, Kasumi, and Takeshi!” 

“Wrong again.” 

“But you guys were calling each other that! And you said the names you used yesterday were nicknames!”

“A person can have more than one nickname.” Pikachu blasted Team Rocket off again.

When Team Rocket appeared the next day, Ash folded his arms. “This is the third day in a row you've tried to guess my name and you know what happens after the third day in the stories. The deal is off. If you can't guess my name tonight, you're going to go back to trying to steal Pikachu the old fashioned way.”

“This time we definitely know your name!” Meowth said triumphantly. “Your name is Red! They called you Red all day!”

“Still a nickname.”

Jessie glared. “Why is your nickname Red? You don't even have red hair!”

Ash shrugged. “It's my favorite color. Anyway, you couldn't guess my name, so I'm not going to give you Pikachu.”

“Fine,” Jessie snapped. “We're going back to stealing Pikachu the old fashioned way.” 

“Not today,” Ash said, and had Pikachu blast Team Rocket off. He thought he could hear the cry, “At least tell us your name!” before the customary, “We're blasting off again!”


End file.
